So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
Randomize
