This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
