Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
