I think I just saw someone hide a body.
i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
two words...techno handjob
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
Randomize
