This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
Randomize
