So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
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