i don't plan on having that self control this summer
I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
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Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
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I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
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