she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
Randomize
