My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're a waste of cheezeits
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize