found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
Randomize
