I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
Randomize
