do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
Randomize
