I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
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