my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
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