we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
