I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
Randomize