I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
