stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
Randomize
