its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
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