boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Randomize
