what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
Randomize
