well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
