The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
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