Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
Randomize
