im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
