considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
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may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
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