What tipped you off? The sombrero?
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
Randomize
