Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
My liver just had a heart attack.
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
Randomize
