we're chasing vodka with high fives
Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
he laminated a picture of his dick.
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
Randomize
