I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
