I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Randomize
