She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize
