you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
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