im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
you're hired as official boob wrangler
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
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