my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
Randomize
