I just cut my nipple shaving
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
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