everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
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