then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
