dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
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