Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
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