My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
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