I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
Randomize