She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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