You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
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