I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Randomize
