That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
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