I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
I'm sobbing to NWA
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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