i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
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