matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
