Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
