If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
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