I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
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