Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
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