Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
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