is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
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