Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
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