why didn't you poke me back
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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