So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Randomize
