in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
Randomize
