Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
Randomize
