State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
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