those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
