Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
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