I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
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