i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
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