We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
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