Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
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