it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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