chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
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