Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
Randomize
