So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
