I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
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I think I have vodka in my lungs
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
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I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
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