He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
Randomize
